As a little light relief for those living in Europe, for those who have been there, and those who are planning to go, we offer the following:

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has finally been reached to adopt ENGLISH as the preferred language for European communications rather than GERMAN, which was the other possibility.

As part of the final negotiations, however, Her Majesty's Government,conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a FIVE-YEAR phased plan for what will be known as Euro- English (Euroeng for short).

In the first year, "S" will be used instead of the soft "C". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "C" will be replaced with "K". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "PH" will be replaced by "F". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "E"s in the languaj is disgrasful, and would go.

By the forth yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "TH" by "Z", and "W" by "V".

During ze fifz yer, se unesesary "O" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "OU" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensible riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru. Auf wiedersehen.